Papers for Nothing

Here's a little something I wrote a while back. If you're not a physicist, it might not be too interesting. If you are a physicist, or someone who hangs out with them, like a physics groupy, you might be interested. If so, please keep in mind that it's meant to amuse. I don't really feel that string theorists get a free ride. Well, not entirely anyway :-). My string-theorist friends say they find it humourous. But then, they're my friends. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it too. Or at least say that you do.

Sing to the tune of "Money for Nothing":

Papers for Nothing (with apologies to Dire Straits)

Now look at them stringers, that's the way you do it,
You make conjectures at the ITP,
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
Papers for nothin' in Nuc. Phys. B,
Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
Lemme tell ya them dweebs ain't dumb,
Maybe gotta do a little D-brane counting,
Maybe gotta do a little sum.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

See that little stringer with the research position,
Yeah buddy, they don't teach there,
That little stringer made a new conjecture,
That little stringer got an endowed chair.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

I shoulda learned that D-brane theory,
I shoulda learned 'bout BPS,
Look at them conferences, all beggin' just to get him,
Man, we could be in Trieste,
And he's out there, what's that? Another theorem?
He says he found a slick duality?
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
Papers for nothing, and your trips for free.

We gotta crank out PN expansions,
Gotta integrate numerically,
We gotta fix our gauge conditions,
We gotta put in factors of c.

Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
You make conjectures at the ITP,
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it,
Papers for nothin' in the PRD.
Paper's for nothin',
Paper's for nothin' and your trips for free ...